The singles fed up with dating apps - and what they're doing instead

Gretel Van Lane, 40, from Wollongong, said she had given up dating apps after about five years being single, as they had limited use for someone interested in finding a longer-term partner.

And, while she's yet to be offered a date while using her small blue badge out and about, her unorthodox move has garnered support from plenty of others who are sick of the pitfalls of online dating.

"Dating apps are a punish because there's no filter between you and every single single person in your radius," Ms Van Lane said.

She said the blunt filters used by dating apps also meant it was hard to gauge whether she would click with someone in real life.

"I've found the apps work if you want to meet a high volume of people quickly, but not necessarily a long-term partner," she said.

"With dating apps there's no real filter, the app filters - which you have to pay for - are based on demographics really like age, location, do they smoke, do they have kids, do they want to get married, but for me a lot of those things don't actually matter.

"Dating apps are a fast way to find someone, but what we probably need to switch to is a bit more of a slow-burn approach, going back to being friends with people and making wider social networks, which I think can be challenging especially post-COVID."

"We're so used to being in a small social circle that it's actually been hard to expand our social circles again, and part of that is having the confidence of going out and talking to people."

Ms Van Lane also said she thought more than a decade of dating apps being normalised meant many people had lost the skill of hitting on people.

"I know that I have, and I find that people get weirded out in public if you go and talk to strangers," she said.

"In my age group, most people are partnered and not everybody wears a wedding ring, so it's actually tricky when you go out to go up to someone.

"I don't want to inappropriately hit on somebody, but I also don't have the practice of approaching people and having a chat because I find people are much more closed off to that now."

This is where the badge comes in.

"I just wanted to take an action towards putting myself out there that wasn't on a dating app," she said.

"I had a couple of funny looks when I went to the pub with it - and no-one's asked me out yet but I've got five mates who really want one."

Ironically, she had the biggest response when she shared a picture of her badge online, on social media.

As the brains behind Wollongong social group Dinners With A Difference, which hosts get-togethers designed to prompt meaningful conversations, Ms Van Lane was urged by numerous people to start up a singles event, which she'll host next month, to bring together like-minded people.

This desire to move away from online dating is part of a broader social trend, with research overseas showing that Generation Z are less likely to use apps to meet romantic partners as they perceive them as old-fashioned and frustrating.

While Ms Van Lane is firmly a millennial, she said many in her generation were also becoming tired of the apps which have been part of the dating landscape since early last decade.

"I think because they're so culturally normalised now, we're probably coming into the next wave of them not being fun and new and interesting anymore," she said.

"People ghost regularly, and I get digital overwhelm from being online in my life and work, so I'll always tend to delete the apps after a couple of weeks.

"I think we're all sort of getting these habitual ways of relating on apps which may not be conducive to meeting a long term partner."

Shellharbour mother Lisa Davies, 37, who has been single and dating on and off for about seven years, shared frustrations about encountering some horror dates after connecting with someone on an app,

"You could probably say I've been on 50 first dates but not all that many second one, often because what's conveyed in an app doesn't match with what you get in reality," she said.

"I'm not quite sure how people think it's going to go when they lie online and then meet in real life, but I've encountered lots of men who lie about age on dating apps.

"I had a guy on a first date who wanted to know if I'd take his last name if we got married, and I had another guy open up about his strange, cult-like religious beliefs on a first date.

"So I've now got a rule of thumb that I've had to have a number of conversations on the phone with someone before meeting them in person."

She said apps tended to cater for fast, short-term connections, which was not what women in her demographic - who already have kids, a career and financial stability - were after.

"There are lots of women in my social group who are really frustrated with dating apps," she said.

"Women have evolved so much over the past 50 years, in workplace participation, expectations for relationships, the ability to have children without marriage.

"Women are self sufficient and financially secure and they've got really good social connections, so their expectations of a partner go beyond just the aesthetic and 'I need somebody to provide for me', which is really outdated.

"I don't think dating apps speak to the genuine connection and depth of relationships we're seeking."

While Ms Davies commended Ms Van Lane's use of a badge to proclaim she's up for dating, she said she didn't think she was brave enough to do the same thing.

Instead, she said she would like to see more overt singles events and opportunities to encourage people to get together in real life.

"In the past there were things like "parents without partners" and cringey dating experiences that people back in the nineties were kind of engaging with, but I think there's definitely a market for more evolved dating experiences for people that are single," she said.

"I'm hoping that it becomes a new norm that people that are single do start to engage in social activities, that are face to face and that we can move away from just meeting people on apps."