Check out my serene glow. I'm radiating good vibes.
What's your secret?
Parenthood. I'm growing my family.
Congratulations! When's the happy arrival?
Not babies, silly.
I'm literally growing my family. I'm a plant parent.
Help me out here. I left my gardener's almanac at home. Please translate.
I've joined the millennial houseplant trend. My apartment is now home to 23 leafy green companions, all of whom I feed, nurture and talk to.
I'm inspired by Houseplantclub, Thejungalow, Thesill and Boyswithplants - they're all Instagram plantfluencers.
There's more to plant parenting than eye candy.
I've seen the trend. Foliage-filled apartments. Inner-city jungles.
Fiddle leaf figs and monstera deliciosa.
Houseplants are hot.
Yes, but there's more to plant parenting than eye candy. Plants benefit our health. Did you know that sharing your room with just one plant can improve air quality by 25 percent?
And if you add five plants to that same four by five metre space, you'll have 75 percent cleaner air. Share that space with 10 leafy friends: peak clean air.
But what's with your jolly demeanour? Do your plants tell jokes, too?
Plants have been proven to boost our wellbeing and happiness. Just looking at plants - or even pictures of plants - eases our stress levels, lowers blood pressure and soothes our sympathetic nervous system activity.
We think more clearly around plants, too.
A UK study found that college students' attentiveness rose by 70 percent when they were taught in a room containing plants, and a US study found that workers in a room with plants and flowers generated 13 percent more ideas than when the green was swapped for sculptures.
When it comes to relaxation, inspiration and overall positivity, plants are your best friends.
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So tell me, do you talk to yours?
As a matter of fact, I do.
A Royal Horticultural Society study showed that talking to your plants really can help them grow faster.
And they respond better to the sound of a female voice.
A more cynical person than me might suggest that plants are a last resort of a generation incapable of any real human interaction.
After days spent talking to Siri and Alexa, the company of your English Ivy will seem positively scintillating, no?
Leave Ivy out of this. She's climbing the walls right now.
- Amy Cooper is a journalist who embraces wellness, but has also used kale to garnish a cocktail.