If you ever watched Happy Days you will remember one of the key characters Arthur Fonzarelli or Fonzi as he was more affectionately known. He was tough on the outside - few dared to cross him - but just under that tough exterior was a heart of gold. Protective of the people he loved and always determined to right a wrong.
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He had one distinct flaw - he struggled to apologise or admit he was wrong. Who can remember the scenes where he had to say the words "I'm sorry?" Or should that be "I'm ssss.....".
We clearly got the message - he was a proud man. But as a wise person once said to me "pride goes before a fall."
Fonzi is not the only person who has struggled with apologising. On the flip side we all need to hear an apology when we know we have been wronged.
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We can bump into someone in the street and say "sorry". In fact we can use the word many times in any given day without giving the word a second thought. It can at times be a throw away line bandied around loosely.
But when we have done something truly wrong or hurtful, when we have to acknowledge our poor behaviour that to another, the word is suddenly an impossibility. Is it that we are too proud to admit we are wrong? Sadly such a prideful decision could be the demise of something far more valuable - often a relationship.
I recently saw a post of a person on Facebook offering a truly heartfelt apology for something they had said on the social media platform. I never saw the original post. It had been deleted. But I was incredibly impressed by the sentiment of the apology. It would have taken incredible strength of character to admit to what was apparently a significant wrongdoing. Pride could have resulted in the person falling into a deep hole but, because they pushed pride aside to apologise, they instead elevated their character.
If you have wronged someone they can benefit from an apology as much as you can benefit from giving it. The sky won't fall and you won't lose your strength - you will simply let someone know that you value them and didn't mean to hurt them with your actions. You might even gain a new sense of value in care and compassion.
An apology should not be intended to demoralise a person, it should be a message to the receiver that you recognise a fault or poor behaviour and, hopefully, you won't do it again. The intent of an apology should help to re-establish confidence in the recipient that they won't be hurt again by poor behaviour. And a grateful recipient would be equally forgiving...although maybe a little cautious for a while.
