You've heard the horror stories, you've watched the movies and TV shows; heck you might have one yourself.
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In-Laws. It could be a mother-in-law, a father-in law or sibling-in-law, but the mere thought of them sends a shiver down your spine.
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From overbearing to well meaning, in-laws (particularly mother-in-laws) can cause friction between newlyweds. Often unintentional, in-laws have a certain way of putting their foot in it that can leave you red in the face and ready to declare war.
If you're familiar with the hit '90s - 00's show 'Everybody Loves Raymond' , or even the 2005 movie 'Monster in Law' featuring Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda, you will know what I mean.
An in-joke between my husband and I is that I'm Deborah from Everybody Loves Raymond in his family and while my husband isn't exactly the Raymond of his family (he's definitely Robert), we still have to deal with his over-bearing, sometimes critical, sometimes well meaning family.
Case in point; they recently called us at 7:30 in the morning, on a Monday no less, to see if they could come over. We had just returned from our honeymoon the day before and I was getting ready for work. Apparently they missed their son and complained that they hadn't seen him for a month. No mention of me though.
I have plenty of examples but I'll stop there otherwise it would be a never ending gripe list.
So how do you deal with your in-laws without reaching for a bottle of wine or declaring war?
Here's a few tips that I've learnt over the last 10 years.
- Talk to your partner. Communication is key when it comes to expressing how a particular situation makes you feel. Perhaps your partner has some insight in to your in-law's behavior to shed some light or perhaps they feel the same way. Just keep an eye out for gas lighting behaviour and denial.
- Talk to your in-laws about it. If you don't feel comfortable talking to them, ask your partner to have a chat with their family members. Help them understand if there is a problem, you might find that they aren't aware that they are causing friction.
- Lay down some boundaries. Let them know that their behaviour isn't okay and that they need to respect you and your partner. This is especially applicable for newlyweds who are dealing with a parent who can't seem to let go.
And if that fails, grab a glass of wine and rise above it all. Life's too short to worry about what your in-laws think.
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