Frisky ferrets, curly hair and deadly donkeys

Do you know which side of a black and white cow has the most hair?  Photo by Geoff Goodfellow
Do you know which side of a black and white cow has the most hair? Photo by Geoff Goodfellow

‘WHERE do you find the curliest hair on women?” asked young Dud and the teacher cringed. This lovely young lady fresh out of teachers’ college had introduced a trivia quiz each morning in the classroom to get the students’ brains working and it was young Dud’s turn to ask the five questions he had prepared.

The students giggled among themselves, but nobody ventured an answer, while the poor young teacher just sat there wondering why she hadn’t had the forethought to read the questions before each student asked them.

“Come-on!” urged young Dud who was getting impatient with his classmates.

“Okay young Dud, where do you find the curliest hair on women?” ventured the teacher, knowing she had to get this over and done with.

“Fiji, Miss.”

TRIVIA questions and quiz nights are a bit of fun aren’t they? I was invited by the good people of Burrawang to write the questions for their quiz night last weekend and what a pleasant evening it was. So good to see a packed hall full of people chatting, sipping wine and having a laugh on a Saturday night in the old School of Arts as they supported their local community hall fundraiser.

While preparing the questions my mind drifted back to a former work colleague who had a head full of useless information, so I mentioned some of this trivia at Burrawang on Saturday to get things going and thought I should share his wisdom with you today.

THIS work colleague had a smart brain and knew his stuff, but he also had an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of the weirdest facts you could ever imagine. While waiting for meetings to start or chatting at morning tea I learned so much rubbish from him over the years - gems like, “Geoffrey, did you know that the female genitals of a human are almost identical to that of a Dugong. “Thanks for sharing that mate. My life is so much richer by knowing something that would have probably left David Attenborough speechless.

BUT he also told me so many other amazing things. I don’t know if he just made them up, but they sounded convincing, so here goes;

A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, otherwise it will digest itself.

A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

John Wilkes Booth’s brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln’s son.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.

The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in Berlin Zoo.

Celery has negative calories, meaning it takes more calories to digest a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

Bats always turn left when leaving a cave.

A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother’s first flight.

Adolf Hitler’s mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ toilet during a dance.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

Rats and horses can’t vomit.

A cat’s urine glows under a black light.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

WE should conclude this tale of trivia with the last four questions young Dud asked his classmates after the teacher recovered from her curly hair fright.

Q.2 What does a cow have four of, but a woman has only two?

Q.3 What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn’t?

Q.4 Who was the first captain to tour Australia and not play a single test?

Q.5 On which side of a black and white cow would you find the most hair?

HOW did you go? The answers of course are legs, pockets, Captain Cook and you’d find the most hair on the outside of a black and white cow, wouldn’t you. Not surprisingly young Dud’s teacher dropped trivia questions the next week and started a mathematics quiz instead.