Yesterday Kiama MP, "garrulous" Gareth Ward became " Ward the Winner" with the short-listing of four Wingecarribee Shire projects on the $100 million Port Kembla leasing windfall.

Against strong Illawarra South Coast objections, Gareth Ward had pushed for a share of the proceeds to creep over the mountain and soon the community will be asked to evaluate them into a priority list.

Just who'll get a say in the process is vague but on first glance, all seems worthwhile projects from a community and economic benefits viewpoint. Wingecarribee was positively modest in regard to the short list, with such extravagances as regional galleries, concert halls and the like ruthlessly pruned.

Now we are down to four out of a total of 20 regional projects, totalling $21 million, with WSC contributing nearly $4 million.

MOST MODEST is a million dollars towards $1.6 million for assisted accommodation for the disabled, submitted by Challenge Foundation at Welby, after the last council withdrew aChipchase Park, Bowral, shared home project five years back.

That disgraceful act was nothing short of a "gotcha" against the former Gordy Lewis-led council as the newly-empowered Halsteadies flexed their muscles, but disadvantaged the already-disadvantaged.

Another worthwhile job and dear to the heart of cycling councillor Little Jim Clark, though far from his Bundanoon heartland is the combined cycling/walking track between Bowral and Mittagong.

At one stage, this project had top A1 priority with WSC but somehow the money went to a shared pathway out past Big Jim Mauger's manor at Robbo. Not that Big Jim was ever likely to get astride a deadly treadly to try it out, but it helpedFountaindale Road walkers get to town in one piece.

Anyway, the Mittagong/Bowral project has a $5 mill price tag for which we're asking a modest $3.6 mill.

One that should be a shoo-in is another modest request for $2.5 mill to build a "Y" link with turnouts, switching and hard standing at Berrima Junction of the main south line. That would be the key ingredient to the Moss Vale Enterprise Zone's inland port that could see shipping containers stacked a mile high awaiting road or rail transport.

THE BIGGIE is Bowral's holy grail, the bypass or traffic distributor, which was almost a done deal back in the day when I, as a fresh-faced (believe me!) young reporter, used to scribble notes alongside Hec Lamond in the old Bowral Council.

"A million pounds!" we gaped in awe at the vast sum to send a sweeping road bridge over the southern line down around Bowral Brickworks.

Last time anyone talked of a western bypass, ie over the northern portal, down Kirkham, over the line and out at Links Road it was $20 mill and rising. But hand it to those early BMCs (Bowral Municipal Council), like the British cars of the same marque, they had style and we did see land acquisitions along the railway.

But, like many of us old guys, there's a bit missing in the middle and that stops the job getting done.

Now, if we can get a $10 million grant to fund Stages 1,2 and 3, for which we will stump up $2 million, it will all line up again. Please, Gareth, we're not greedy like Wollongong, demanding $99 million out of the $100 million on offer, just give us this day our by-pass, container switcheroo, cycle way and home for the disadvantaged.

MENTION of the Bowral Brickworks brings to mind that immense hole in the ground that spewed out millions of the famous Bowral "blue" bricks and built many post-war suburbs.

They reckon that hole has at least a 25-year life as a non-putrescibles landfill site and after that, no doubt a 25-acre shopping centre to augment the town of the future.

Some time ago that big hole was offered to Council on a "walk in, walk out" basis and at maybe the same price, oit might have been a better deal that the water-filled hole they dug at Moss Vale. Perhaps that's where Big John "laughing cavalier" Uliana plans to put KMart and Coles' new supermarket, now he's taken over negotiations on behalf of the Famous Five.

They tell me these days, if you need to know anything about what stage Coles is at, the answer comes back "ask John."

Well, Bowral Chamcom presso Hosey and his mob would dearly like to know, but having pow-wowed with a handful of elected ones this week, are little the wiser.

Firebrand Kojak "Turlo" Turland may get somewhere at the next meeting with a Notice of Motion, seeking a meeting with Coles, the Chamcom (as stakeholders) and councillors in an information meeting. That's if Big John doesn't laugh it all off... and he has the 5/4 odds to do it.

STILL AMAZED at the recent display of Arkernomics in which Mayor Arkers managed to rile the entire commercial ratepaying property owners of Bowral by seeking to instruct them on their flawed rental policies.

Maybe that new mayoral limo that sweeps Herself effortlessly twixt town and country has given our Mayor new gravitas in commercial matters not previously evident in her day-to-day activities.

DUDLEY WARNING ... blame this one on Goodfellow. It's only right that Geoff gets to choose his favourite Dudleyyarn, carefully sifted from more than 500 not-so-spartan offerings.

Dudley's father was delighted when his son took up an apprenticeship with experienced local undertaker, Jack Butler. Dudley would have a trade and more importantly, he would learn all the tricks of that trade from a Master Undertaker. After his first week of work, Dudley returned home to the family farm to have dinner with his parents.

"So, how's the new job, Dudley?" asked his mum. "Great, but we had a bit of a problem on Wednesday."

"What happened?" asked Old Dud. "Well, we got a call from the local guesthouse," said Dudley, blushing slightly. "They'd found a man and woman lying stark naked and stone dead in one of their rooms."

"Gosh," said his father, "wonder how they died?" "Dunno," said Dudley, "but me and Mr Butler put on our black suits, hopped in the hearse and went out along the road to the guesthouse. It was late at night, so we quickly introduced ourselves at reception and went straight up to the room."

"What happened then?" asked his mother. "Well, this is a bit embarrassing, Mum," said Dudley, blushing again. "When we went in the room, there they were, side by side, stark naked and the bloke, well it was sort of sticking straight up in the air. Mr.Butler says it often happens when rigor mortis sets in."

"I'm glad you've got a good teacher," said Old Dud, "they know these things." "Anyway," continued Dudley, "Mr Butler knew what to do next and gave it a short hard whack with his umbrella."

"What happened then?" asked his mother. "Well all hell broke loose," said Dudley. "It seems we'd gone into the wrong room."