I JUST KNEW the minute a sporty Mercedes SLK 230 pulled up outside the Civic Centre in Moss Vale we were having a visit from a computer software sales manager, or one of those highly paid tedious trainers from Double Bay, or perhaps a corporate consultant. Well I was partially correct.
SHORTLY after I found myself sitting in a meeting room being addressed by a corporate consultant, a state manager and a sales engineer from some mob flogging telephones.
Actually it was a tad more than just telephones because they were here to try to sell us a new telephone system to replace the old workhorse that had served us WELL for decades.
AS we all sat back to learn about what this company had on offer I couldn’t help noticing how shiny their shoes all were. Looked like they’d never been worn before. Black suits were mandatory, even for the good lady. And permed, gelled hair for the blokes, plus of course the Perisher winter suntan.
IT was very comforting when they told us at the outset we wouldn’t need a forklift upgrade.
That was a relief. But they did tell us, no less than thirteen times, their system was evergreen.
The company we saw us the day before didn’t mention that. I made a note because it sounded important.
You must have an evergreen system, particularly when we are so committed to the environment here in the Southern Highlands.
We were told we could expect open architecture, feature transparency, rack mounting in three cabinets with 28 slots and remote shelves.
But if necessary there was provision to migrate to a bigger box. That got the IT lads a bit excited.
ONE important point was that the system would have the same feel and look for both top and bottom end users. I liked that feature.
You wouldn’t want bottom end users feeling discriminated against, would you?
Then they told us we could pull the platform up to IT which sounded like hard work struggling up those stairs.
They invited us to check their software stable and stressed that they don’t fingerpoint to Telstra, which is nice because my mum always said you should never point your finger at anyone. It is so rude.
I LIKE the idea that the system allows you to drive your own reports because I reckon that would be a lot cheaper than a car these days.
They assured us that voice isn’t hungry and everybody wants sip these days.
They offered bandwidth under the voice over an IP cloud, which sounded particularly useful on a wet day.
On top of all that, apart from the amazing box, they even provide microwave dishes, which would be mighty handy at lunchtime.
THEN the sales engineer had his turn and he said we could get everything from large footprint handsets to a tin can with a bit of string.
Now you’re talking, mate I thought. That’s my sort of technology.
They passed around a variety of telephone things from which the end users (I think that was code for people) could select.
The presenters seemed more excited than kindergarten kids playing pass the parcel as the handsets moved around the room. Unfortunately none of us got a prize.
AT this point I remembered what my old mate Ralph Faulkner had told me many years ago when I was up in Malaysia looking at all the fancy new electrical bling in a duty free shop.
“When you are buying anything Geoffrey, always count the knobs and dials, then divide it by the cost.”
Ralph’s theory was the more troublesome electrical gadgets have the most knobs and dials.
So I did, and quickly made up my mind about the phone for me.
Yep. You guessed it. The bloody tin can with the bit of string.
AND while speaking about telephones, for us older folk born long before mobile phones were invented, can anyone let our generation know where we can buy a simple mobile phone that has just two functions – one for phone calls and another for text messages, preferably with large print letters so you don’t have to dive for the glasses every time the bell rings.
I don’t want to take crappy photographs, watch a matchbox size television, play music or make a video. It’s a flamin’ phone I want.
And one with text that’s big enough to read.
*Geoff Goodfellow has lived his life in the Southern Highlands, works for Wingecarribee Council and is well known in local sporting and social circles.
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